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LINE, AND SINK HER!
Falling in love with the commitmentphobe is the easiest thing in the world to do! The thing about the commitmentphobe is that he (or she) usually comes on very strong in the beginning stages of the relationship. They will hold nothing back to win the heart of their 'victim'. They spend money freely, lavish you with gifts, smother you with attention, compliment your every move, rush to help you out, paint your living room, change your oil...etc. They quickly make you feel extremely special - and lovable - and very desirable - and wanted - and attractive - and wonderful - and, well, you get the picture :) It is hard to resist falling in love with the commitmentphobe! How can you resist someone who thinks that you are just so incredibly special and adorable? They will even make references to the future using the 'we' word, making you believe that a future with this man (woman) is indeed possible - and probable! (If you question the commitmentphobe about past relationships, they will probably tell you about many failed relationships - but make you believe it was just because they hadn't found anyone as 'wonderful' and 'special' as you!)
What can I say - by now you're sunk!
Once he has won your heart over is when you start getting very subtle hints and clues that there is something very terribly wrong about the relationship. But you are so 'brainwashed' from his massive 'win-you'over' campaign that it doesn't even occur to you that this man has problems. After all, he is MADLY in love with you - he would never leave you!
Middle of the Relationship
It is at this stage in the relationship that you think you just need to love him stronger, or do even more 'wifely' things for him. You cook his favorite foods, wear your sexiest negligees - etc. BUT the more you love him - the more you end up pushing him away. The more you try to be an 'understanding wife' figure, the more he feels the impending threat of 'commitment'. Your loving intentions only serve to drive the commitmentphobe further away.
He will start to find fault in you - this is his way of always having an 'out'. He stores these 'flaws' subconsciously, thinking to himself, "well, I could NEVER marry her - I couldn't possibly spend my life with a woman who is only 5'1" - I love long legs!" He needs these flaws to use as an excuse when the time comes to exit (and the time WILL come!)
The problem with the Middle Stage is that in your mind you are still in the Beginning Stage. You still think he is madly head-over-heels in love with you and would never, ever leave you. You are still delusional from the intensity of his 'beginning' love. You start to think that maybe you are doing something wrong, and so you try harder to show him your love. You even do 'wifely' things to show him how good a wife you would be if he were to marry you. All this does is drive the fear of commitment closer to his conscious mind and he starts to panic! He needs to get out of the relationship because he feels like he can't breathe. Being around you causes him anxiety attacks. Unfortunately, since he is a commitmentphobe that means he can't commit - either way. He can't commit to being with you forever, yet he can't commit to not being with you forever, either. So, he can't find the courage to leave you. Thus, he decides that he will make you do the leaving!
The End of the Relationship
The hardest breakup in the world is that with the commitmentphobe. You are left confused, wondering what you did wrong. He loved you so much that you must have done something terribly wrong to kill that love. You have been belittled, insulted, and nit-picked to the point where your ego is crushed, you have low self-esteem, you feel rejected, unloveable, unworthy, unacceptable, and excluded. You wonder how anybody would ever want to be with you - you are just so horrible. And the funny thing is is that you want to get him back because you believe only he can make you feel better. Because it is he who made you feel so bad.
The commitmentphobe isn't a bad person - he just simply has a phobia of being 'trapped', much as a claustrophobic fears confinement in small places, or a demophobic fears being in crowds. This fear is so intense that, even though he can love another very much, he feels an intense need to be 'free' of them. Feeling pressured for a commitment can cause him to have a panic attack. He searches for a way out in the end just as hard as he searched for a way 'in' in the beginning.
by Tigress Luv, the Breakup Guru
From Commitment Phobe to "I Do"! A ten-step plan for winning your CP's heart and getting that long overdue & much deserved commitment. Get the Commitment Phobe to Make a Commitment! Join Our Awesome Community and talk with other CPs and CP Lovers!
Dream Chasers: The Commitment Phobe Addiction (Falling in Love and Dealing with a Commitmentphobic Person). You can be reading this insightful information, written especially for those who are in love with a commitment phobic person, in less than two minutes! (NOTE: This webBook is free when you join our community!)
Commitment Phobe Profiles
Our Commitment Phobia Support Community
Breakup With a Narcissist: Living with, loving, and leaving a narcissist. How to survive it all!
Recover from the pain of heartbreak. You can feel better - today!
Save your relationship and stop your breakup, separation, or divorce. Simple tricks to getting your partner back.
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