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Getting To Commitment Mr. Steven Carter's great insights into relationship dynamics are presented here in an easy-to-understand language, and without overdoing the psychological perspectives. Many commitment questions are answered here in this book. A must read for anyone afflicted with commitment issues or involved with someone who is.

He's Scared, She's Scared Available for the first time in paperback, this follow-up to the phenomenally successful Men Who Can't Love tackles the issue of commitmentphobia, that persistent obstacle to truly satisfying contemporary relationships. Authors Stephen Carter and Julia Sokol explore why modern men and women are torn between the desire for intimacy and the equally intense need for independence. Drawing on numerous interviews and real-life scenarios, and written with humor, insight, and the kind of wisdom gained by personal experience, He's Scared, She's Scared offes guidance for all of us who want genuine, sustained intimacy with our romantic partners.

Men Who Can't Love This book saved me from going crazy and from wasting any more of my precious time with a man who is a consumate commitmentphobic. I got this book after a therapist friend of mine said that all my complaining and moaning about my commitmentphobic boyfriend sounded just like the people in this book she'd read - "Men Who Can't Love". I got on line and nabbed a copy. What a life saver! My jaw dropped as I read this book because it describes the behaviors of commitmentphobics precisely as I have been experiencing my boyfriend's behavior. It's so true that the more I pressed him for answers while trying to understand his avoidant behaviors, the more he withdrew from me. "I don't wanna talk about it" is his mantra. All his behaviors were laid out like his biography in this book. It was shocking and revealing at the same time.

I Hate You, Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality This is a great book for an inside look at Borderline Personality Disorder. If you have a person with BPD in life this book is a must have. If you have BPD it will help you understand that some of your behaviors that seem unusual to other are understandable and can be explained and treated.

Sometimes when a man or a woman starts to get attached to another person they start what's known as 'imaginary role playing'. This means that before their mates even are aware of the attachment the CP  (commitment phobic) has already (in their mind) played out what it would be like to have a lifelong commitment with the person they are attached to. They start imagining their roles as husbands, or wives, and what these roles entail - long before their mates are even aware of it.

When any two people become engaged, or make a commitment, very rarely have they not played the imaginary role in their heads long before they made the commitment! I mean you wouldn't buy new clothes without trying them out first, would you? You wouldn't purchase a car without giving it a test drive first, would you? And you definitely wouldn't make a commitment without considering your role in the commitment first, would you?

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So then what happens? The CP will start to think about this commitment and imagine all the flaws in the relationship that could possibly arise. If they are serious about their mate they may then attempt to change their partners - to ensure their role is more comfortable. All of a sudden their partners are bombarded with a bunch of "you should do this," or "you should do that".

But, no matter what their mates do to please them, the CP will not be pleased. He/She has already tried on their role and have already seen where it will fail - and they aren't going to risk that failure.

The pressures both CP men and CP women face in their role are enormous. And they soon learn to fear the fact that they may fail at such deep responsibilities. For the man the responsibilities he may feel to be most overwhelming are those of being able to provide, be supportive, and solve all the problems in the relationship. For the woman she may see that she has to remain eternally youthful, slim, perfect mother, perfect cook, and surrender her career to a lifetime of nurturing thankless children and a husband who is too busy with his job and sports to give her the time of day.

The images of trying to be the perfect mother/wife, or husband/father can be exhausting, to say the least. Fear has a hand in it, too. They fear failure. Not being able to provide 'this', or keep up with 'that'.

The man may believe that he has to have the perfect job, be the perfect father, the perfect handyman, the perfect tower of strength 24/7. And the woman believes that she has to be the perfect cook, the perfect housewife, add additional income to the family budget, be a great mother, and still remain sexy and mysterious to keep her man interested - 24/7!

Geez, what pressure! No wonder why we buckle, turn tail, and run at the slightest hint of the word 'commitment'.

The mistake many make is in thinking they have to live up to the 'married woman / married man' role they have 'imagined' in their head. These are false expectations. Marriage is not meant for just perfect people! Gawd, if we all had to be perfect to fall in love and commit to each other and to a relationship, the world would be full of a lot of very lonely people!

Just a thought...
~by Tigress Luv, the Breakup Guru

From Commitment Phobe to "I Do"! A ten-step plan for winning your CP's heart and getting that long overdue & much deserved commitment. Get the Commitment Phobe to Make a Commitment! Join Our Awesome Community and talk with other CPs and CP Lovers!

Dream Chasers: The Commitment Phobe Addiction (Falling in Love and Dealing with a Commitmentphobic Person). You can be reading this insightful information, written especially for those who are in love with a commitment phobic person, in less than two minutes! (NOTE: This webBook is free when you join our community!)

Fellow CP's and CP lovers! Let's hear your stories!

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Women Men Love, Women Men Leave: What Makes Men Want to Commit? In easy psychological terms, this book helps a woman understand why a man may react negatively to her even when she feels she's doing everything right for a relationship. With different female personalities portrayed, the reader will find themselves fitting one or more of the profiles.

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