Join our Commitment Phobia Community! | Books by the Breakup Guru | Breakup Links | Search | Commitment-Phobia Home Page
| STOP A BREAKUP | MEND A BROKEN HEART | BECOME A MAN MAGNET | WIN HIS HEART BACK | WHY WOMEN DUMP MEN | FORUMS |
ATTRACTION IS EVERYTHING! How to win back their attraction!   |   Break free from their spell  |   Become the women men adore!
Breakup With a Narcissist: Living with, loving, and leaving a narcissist. How to survive it all! | The Bastard System - Why Women Love Bastards | Breaking Up Advice For Men | Hello, Casanova

Why Men Leave  | Win An Ex Back eBooks  |  The Break Up Survivor

36 FREE Breakup & Relationship eBooks
Join our community and get
our ebooks for free! Learn how to stop your breakup for free!
How to Win Back Their Attraction!
ATTRACTION IS EVERYTHING! Here's what to do when you think they are no longer attracted to you
Did She Dump You?
Are you a nice guy and still got dumped for a jerk? Learn how to be the bastard women want, and never get dumped again!
Win Your Ex Back!
Find out how to win your ex back and keep them hopelessly attached to you forever more!

commitmentphobia community

commitment phobia banner

lifted
	    hearts logo

commitmentphobe banner

Broken Heart Help
My Breakup Space
My Breakup Blog
My Big Breakup
Breakups Magazine
Gay/Lesbian Advice
Date a Millionaire
Get Your Boyfriend Back
Win Your Girl Back

Getting To Commitment

Mr. Steven Carter's great insights into relationship dynamics are presented here in an easy-to-understand language, and without overdoing the psychological perspectives. Many commitment questions are answered here in this book. A must read for anyone afflicted with commitment issues or involved with someone who is.


He's Scared, She's Scared

Available for the first time in paperback, this follow-up to the phenomenally successful Men Who Can't Love tackles the issue of commitmentphobia, that persistent obstacle to truly satisfying contemporary relationships. Authors Stephen Carter and Julia Sokol explore why modern men and women are torn between the desire for intimacy and the equally intense need for independence. Drawing on numerous interviews and real-life scenarios, and written with humor, insight, and the kind of wisdom gained by personal experience, He's Scared, She's Scared offes guidance for all of us who want genuine, sustained intimacy with our romantic partners.


Men Who Can't Love

This book saved me from going crazy and from wasting any more of my precious time with a man who is a consumate commitmentphobic. I got this book after a therapist friend of mine said that all my complaining and moaning about my commitmentphobic boyfriend sounded just like the people in this book she'd read - "Men Who Can't Love". I got on line and nabbed a copy. What a life saver! My jaw dropped as I read this book because it describes the behaviors of commitmentphobics precisely as I have been experiencing my boyfriend's behavior. It's so true that the more I pressed him for answers while trying to understand his avoidant behaviors, the more he withdrew from me. "I don't wanna talk about it" is his mantra. All his behaviors were laid out like his biography in this book. It was shocking and revealing at the same time.


I Hate You, Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality

This is a great book for an inside look at Borderline Personality Disorder. If you have a person with BPD in life this book is a must have. If you have BPD it will help you understand that some of your behaviors that seem unusual to other are understandable and can be explained and treated.

The Fear of Losing Oneself

"If you are in love with someone who is afraid of commitment,
> he or she might try to persuade you that you are neurotic,
that you are too needy and you demand too much."

 

In this new world of relationship-phobias I have to confess that many, many years ago I was once with, what I like to call, a ‘merintho-philo-phobic’. Merinthophobia means the fear of being bound or tied up, and philophobia means the fear of being in love or falling in love.

This man basically feared anything that was a threat to his being the soul connection with himself. His sense of 'self' was very important to him and he guarded it like a valued treasure. He worshipped his privacy, and hated social gatherings. He didn't need nor want many friends, and even the few close friends he did have he often times found 'annoying' and 'invading' of his 'self' time. He felt any outside source was a threat to his 'personal' power, whether it was a co-worker, a buddy, the government, a family gathering -- even his girlfriends (of which there were very little). He treasured his alone time and felt violated and scared at the thought of having to share, or to give, of himself. He wasn't even happy in 'taking' because he thought of taking as an obligatory gesture -- one in which you were expected to give in return.

Beyond everything else, he hated feeling 'tied down'.

In other words, he was far too content and comfortable with himself, and any person who upset his 'self' time was surely out to steal his soul. His control. Eventually he turned everyone he cared about into a 'rival' -- a person whom he must confront as an enemy out to steal his self-power. Every relationship of his became a 'power struggle'. Him fighting himself over giving love and feeling threatened of losing himself in the process, and her fighting to get him to give of himself. Sad!

How to Win Back Their Attraction!
ATTRACTION IS EVERYTHING! Here's what to do when you think they are no longer attracted to you

36 FREE Breakup & Relationship eBooks
Join our community and get
our ebooks for free! Learn how to stop your breakup and win your ex back for free!

Broken Heart?
Find out how to mend your brokenheart caused by a broken relationship. Advice from The Breakup Guru.
Did She Dump You?
Are you a nice guy and still got dumped for a jerk? Learn how to be the bastard women want, and never get dumped again!
Win Your Ex Back!
Find out how to win your ex back and keep them hopelessly attached to you forever more!

To him the word 'give' meant commitment and 'commitment' meant losing himself to another. He was very content enough with things being the way they were, and he was not about to open up and risk losing it all by letting another person in. To him, letting another person into his life was like handing over all his control and power that he held over his life – handing it over to that of another. Giving any of himself was not easy to him. Nor was taking. It all would boil down to fighting the submission -- fighting losing his sense of 'self'.

He viewed relationships of all kinds as 'mergers'. Where he blended into them and they blended into him – hence, a 'loss of self'.

So, he subconsciously started to evaluate and question every relationship he was in. He started to weigh the pros and the cons - and his phobia always ensured him that the cons outweighed the pros. He began to see that the relationship would require him to give up his 'free time' -- something he worshipped unrealistically. It would require his sharing and giving and taking -- all the very elements that were composed of 'losing' to him. He started to dread phone conversations as unnecessary 'warps' in his time, and he began to feel invaded by relationships, resenting the very person who demanded anything of him at all.

He then started to regret having even gotten in a relationship to begin with, and frantically searched for any reason at all to escape it, vowing to not make the same mistake again. Which only fed upon his phobia. Each and every relationship would become more feared and more suffocating.

What makes it so hard on the one who loves the merintho-philo-phobic is the feeling that they are constantly made to feel like they are the 'enemy'. In our relationship, ‘love’ became ‘war’ -- something I felt I must fight for, and something he was impelled to fight against. We became rivals instead of partners. Everything I said or did he twisted around as a direct attack against him - as if I were trying to 'suck the very life out of him'. Love is definitely a battlefield when you are with a merintho-philo-phobic!

The merintho-philo-phobic fights feelings of love. He denies his own feelings of love for another.

The merintho-philo-phobic will fight loving you.

Until the merintho-philo-phobic admits his phobias and confronts them, the best thing one can do is leave the relationship and find another lover who will not make them feel like the enemy.

~by Tigress Luv, the Breakup Guru

LETTER FROM A READER

"Hello,

I just had to respond to My Life with a 'Merintho-philo-phobic' because it basically describes me to a T. I was quite shocked that everything you were listing were things that I did or how I felt, and seeing it written out like that makes me now realize it is a problem. A co-worker emailed me a link of all the different phobias, and I was laughing at the wierd things it listed. Something popped in my head that I may have a relationship phobia, which wasnt on the list, so I did a search and came across your article. I just had my 30th birthday so I had been recently thinking about such things. Im not sure what I hope to accomplish by emailing you, or where I go from here, but wanted to let you know you hit the nail right on the head with this one!

Mike
"

From Commitment Phobe to "I Do"! A ten-step plan for winning your CP's heart and getting that long overdue & much deserved commitment. Get the Commitment Phobe to Make a Commitment! Join Our Awesome Community and talk with other CPs and CP Lovers!

Dream Chasers: The Commitment Phobe Addiction (Falling in Love and Dealing with a Commitmentphobic Person). You can be reading this insightful information, written especially for those who are in love with a commitment phobic person, in less than two minutes! (NOTE: This webBook is free when you join our community!)

Fellow CP's and CP lovers! Let's hear your stories!

Our Articles
Our Stories
Commitment Phobe Profiles
Our Commitment Phobia Support Community

Breakup With a Narcissist: Living with, loving, and leaving a narcissist. How to survive it all!

OUR MEMBERS' BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS

Win Boyfriend Back
How to Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back - By using these basic, down-to-earth strategies, anyone can get an ex-boyfriend back and turn a broken relationship back into a loving, lasting one - or make their current relationships deeper and more fulfilling.

Relationship Links

Cunnilingus Academy
Curl her toes with these tips and techniques!

THE ZODIAC MAN!
Because not all men are alike, the way to win their heart, or the plan to win them back shouldn't be the same, either! 

why women cheat
perfect love letters

The Girls' Guide to Surviving a Break-Up
The essential female companion from the first moment he walks out of your life! The Girls' Guide to Surviving a Break-Up offers step-by-step advice for getting over him.

The Hell with Love: Poems to Mend a Broken Heart
Finally a book of poetry that describes every emotion you go through when you are in love and heart broken. This book is amazing and wonderful. I recommend it to who ever loves poetry and ever had a broken heart.

He's Just Not That Into You (The Newly Expanded Edition): The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys
It seems like everywhere you turn the phrase "He's just not that into you" is being thrown around. And for good reason! The ladies are finally done waiting by the phone - hey, why sit at home for the phone to ring when it's so obvious that he's just not that into you?

Women Men Love, Women Men Leave: What Makes Men Want to Commit?
In easy psychological terms, this book helps a woman understand why a man may react negatively to her even when she feels she's doing everything right for a relationship. With different female personalities portrayed, the reader will find themselves fitting one or more of the profiles.

BreakupPoems.com  |   Breakup-Songs.com  |  AboutYourBreakup.com
Recover from the pain of heartbreak. You can feel better - today!
Save your relationship and stop your breakup, separation, or divorce. Simple tricks to getting your partner back.

Have a relationship question? STOP using general search engines and start
using the Relationship Directory to find the relationship answers you're looking for!

Please Visit Our Sponsors

The Breakup Guru
============
Borderland Blues Gay & Lesbian Advice
============

AS SEEN ON SOCIETYSURF.COM - YOUR RELATIONSHIP WEBSITE COMMUNITY & DIRECTORY!

Copyright ©  2009 Lifted Hearts Network. All Rights Reserved - Commitment-Phobia dot com is a subsidiary of the Lifted Hearts Network
Stop a Break Up and Get Him or Her, Girlfriend or Boyfriend, Back, Mend or Get over a Breakup and Broken Relationship, Find answers to