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Hi, my name is Jennifer and I'm a 28 year old commitment phobic woman. My situation is a little complicated considering I am a woman and men typically dominate this category. I never labeled my relationship dilemma as commitment phobia until the end of last year. I told myself that my aversion to intimate relationships was a serious personal issue that I would need to "overcome" in time but I never realized the intensity of its power and control over my life.
I came across the phrase "commitment phobia" when helping a good friend through a relationship crisis she was experiencing in December of 2000. Her complaint was that the man she was with repeatedly jumped from one extreme to the other (emotionally). She told me someday he acted like he couldn't get enough of her and the next day he would tell her that he needed more "space". Confused, she confided in me and over time I became painfully aware of some similar patterns between me and this man.
The moment of truth came when she shared with me a book she picked up called "Men Who Can't Love.....". The stories within the book were shockingly true to my own life relationships and seriously overwhelmed me. For the first time I knew why words like "intimacy" and "commitment" panicked me. I never truly believed that I could be a phobic person and so I never accepted this idea in the past.But after that day it all came together........my attraction to non-emotional men, why I can't lay with someone in the same bed all night, why I feel like I need to "get up and go" after sex, why I can't commit to anything-not even plans with family or friends, why I hyperventilate at the thought of "forever", why I am uncomfortable with simple gestures like holding hands, looking into someone eyes or hugging, and why I have anxiety attacks whenever I get to the "third month" stage of a relationship.
I could go on but I would need to write a book, too. I still believed I could overcome this phobia on my own until a couple of months ago when I found the love of my life. A friend who I've known for about 12 years now but never thought of romantically until we were both free to explore the possibility of a relationship for the first time in our friendship.I fell hard but my anxiety grew more out of control . In my ignorance, I expected the opposite. I thought in a passionate loving relationship my anxiety would magically disappear. Love conquers all, right? Wrong, with commitment phobia it only gets worse. Love means more intimacy and intimacy causes PANIC for commitment phobics.
The constant heart palpitations, sleepless nights, cold sweats and non eating I was experiencing ended up leading me to therapy. I am not comfortable communicating my feelings to anyone but it was my only hope. I am making an effort to stay involved in the therapy process and am learning how to live with this emotional obstacle. It is a day to day challenge but I know I'm not alone. Hello to all of you who know what its like to be a commitment phobic person. I believe there is a light at the end the tunnel.........
From Commitment Phobe to "I Do"! A ten-step plan for winning your CP's heart and getting that long overdue & much deserved commitment. Get the Commitment Phobe to Make a Commitment! Join Our Awesome Community and talk with other CPs and CP Lovers!
Dream Chasers: The Commitment Phobe Addiction (Falling in Love and Dealing with a Commitmentphobic Person). You can be reading this insightful information, written especially for those who are in love with a commitment phobic person, in less than two minutes! (NOTE: This webBook is free when you join our community!)
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