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36 FREE Breakup & Relationship eBooks
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How to Win Back Their Attraction!
ATTRACTION IS EVERYTHING! Here's what to do when you think they are no longer attracted to you
Did She Dump You?
Are you a nice guy and still got dumped for a jerk? Learn how to be the bastard women want, and never get dumped again!
Win Your Ex Back!
Find out how to win your ex back and keep them hopelessly attached to you forever more!

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Getting To Commitment

Mr. Steven Carter's great insights into relationship dynamics are presented here in an easy-to-understand language, and without overdoing the psychological perspectives. Many commitment questions are answered here in this book. A must read for anyone afflicted with commitment issues or involved with someone who is.


He's Scared, She's Scared

Available for the first time in paperback, this follow-up to the phenomenally successful Men Who Can't Love tackles the issue of commitmentphobia, that persistent obstacle to truly satisfying contemporary relationships. Authors Stephen Carter and Julia Sokol explore why modern men and women are torn between the desire for intimacy and the equally intense need for independence. Drawing on numerous interviews and real-life scenarios, and written with humor, insight, and the kind of wisdom gained by personal experience, He's Scared, She's Scared offes guidance for all of us who want genuine, sustained intimacy with our romantic partners.


Men Who Can't Love

This book saved me from going crazy and from wasting any more of my precious time with a man who is a consumate commitmentphobic. I got this book after a therapist friend of mine said that all my complaining and moaning about my commitmentphobic boyfriend sounded just like the people in this book she'd read - "Men Who Can't Love". I got on line and nabbed a copy. What a life saver! My jaw dropped as I read this book because it describes the behaviors of commitmentphobics precisely as I have been experiencing my boyfriend's behavior. It's so true that the more I pressed him for answers while trying to understand his avoidant behaviors, the more he withdrew from me. "I don't wanna talk about it" is his mantra. All his behaviors were laid out like his biography in this book. It was shocking and revealing at the same time.


I Hate You, Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality

This is a great book for an inside look at Borderline Personality Disorder. If you have a person with BPD in life this book is a must have. If you have BPD it will help you understand that some of your behaviors that seem unusual to other are understandable and can be explained and treated.

Gail's Story (in love with a CP)

My ex boyfriend is a textbook commitment phobe. My story is a sad one here it goes.

I met Jay through work. We both freelance in the TV Production industry and met 4 years ago. We hit it off right away. He was eleven years younger than me and was gorgeous by anyone's standards. I though, oh good I have a new friend, because you see I was married with two children We quickly became the best of friends, talking on the phone a few times a week or we’d talk for hours after a shoot. It was then he started to reel me in. His sob story is that he was broken hearted by his ex finance that he found in a compromising position with another man. It had been four years since his breakup with her and had not really felt anything for anyone until he met me. Or so he said.

So, to make a long story short after knowing him six short months we talked about moving the friendship to another level, but that met the marriage had to end. Because I had never felt so loved before the leap was surprisingly easy. I was the light in his life, his salvation, he clung to every word I said, he gave me gifts, called just to tell me a joke, the sex was great, we liked the same music, food, movies, I never have been so loved. We talked about the future and about having kids. The fact that he is beautiful was icing on the cake. I thought OK I could spend the rest of my life with this guy. Or so I thought.

How to Win Back Their Attraction!
ATTRACTION IS EVERYTHING! Here's what to do when you think they are no longer attracted to you

36 FREE Breakup & Relationship eBooks
Join our community and get
our ebooks for free! Learn how to stop your breakup and win your ex back for free!

Broken Heart?
Find out how to mend your brokenheart caused by a broken relationship. Advice from The Breakup Guru.
Did She Dump You?
Are you a nice guy and still got dumped for a jerk? Learn how to be the bastard women want, and never get dumped again!
Win Your Ex Back!
Find out how to win your ex back and keep them hopelessly attached to you forever more!

After about ten months he turned. The middle phase had begun. He became at times unkind, cool and distant. He would do things and go places and not tell me. He asked that I not call him everyday because he had nothing new to say. He was pushing me away. I was sure his behavior was my fault. I though maybe it was because my marriage was dissolving slower than he expected. Valentine's day came and went without even a card. Even though I was so very sure of his love for me, I didn’t like being treated badly so I reluctantly broke up with him. Oh my, he was devastated. I thought, what have I done? I have hurt this tender wounded sole. I guess I must have misunderstood his behavior.

Well after about 5 weeks I took him back, that’s when the roller coaster ride began. I expected him to be grateful for the second chance I had given him. But that’s when the walls really went up. We started seeing each other about once or twice a week and sometimes he made me feel like even that was too much. I never went out with his friends. He said that because of the situation, the fact that I was only separated, he didn’t want people to label him a home wrecker. He didn’t want people to see us together. Now some of his closest friends new about me, but I rarely saw them. He said he wanted to be alone with me so all we practically ever did was go to lunch or a movie or have dinner at his apartment. He never wanted to meet my kids, or go to my house or meet my friends. He said that he would then get too attached and in case things didn’t work out it would hurt him and he just couldn’t bear to be hurt one more time. He wanted his weekends free because his friends are his lifeblood, his touchstone. All the while he was jealous of who I might be flirting with during the time I didn‘t see him, paranoid that I was seeing someone else and all in all rather insecure. I had convinced myself that he loved me so much and he was really never taught how to love someone. I was going to stick by his side. I just thought his behavior was because of his rotten childhood and his rocky past.

We went on like that for a few years. Some months were better than others. He’d invite me to some parties but act as though we were just friends. We saw each other on the weekends for several months, but then that abruptly stopped. When I wanted to talk about the change in him he would act like he had no idea what I was talking about. I felt like I was going crazy. The crazy thing is that he could be detached from me but if I for example didn’t return his call within 3 or 4 hours, he’d call asking what’s wrong and if I was mad at him. I wasn’t getting what I needed in the relationship, but felt like if I just tried a little harder things would come together, and we’d get back to how wonderful everything used to be.

After the first of the year things ever so slowly began to decline. Inch by inch things became worse. I was included even less. He made new friends that didn’t know about our relationship. If I ever needed him, just needed to see him, to see his face or touch is hand, he would he feel suffocated. Once after a tense evening together he told me straight up that “we have no future, no future do you understand?” I was sad but not devastated. Five days later he called me said he missed me and he loved me and was puzzled why haven’t I called him. I was confused and cautious. He didn’t understand why I wasn’t calling him more, why we didn’t see each other more. He felt like I was pulling away, which I was, but after the comment about we have no future I was protecting myself. All the while emotionally he was keeping me at arms length. In the midst of all this mess he confided in me a secret. He had been sexually abused as a child. He has never told anyone that before. Or so he said. It was like he through me a bone to pull me back into the relationship. This, I thought, explained his behavior of not trusting anyone, why he had difficulty opening up. I usually don’t take men on as projects but I had invested so much time and hurt so many people just to be with him, I stuck by his side.

I became suspicious that he was seeing other people. I would ask from time to time if he was seeing anyone else and he always said that he was an honest man and he would tell me if that ever happened. There were signs of infidelity from time to time but he always had an explanation. He continued to pull me in then push me away. But with every big push away incident I became more and more guarded. The roller coaster was exciting at first then it started to make me sick. What happened was after years of this behavior (his AND mine) my personality and self esteem was starting a fade, disappear. I was full of fire when we met, near the end of the relationship I was a wet dishrag.

Near the end of the relationship there was a series of things that acted as a catalyst to the breakup. First and foremost he was having severe financial troubles, trouble with the IRS and was very stressed. His work was slow and money wasn’t coming in. To help pay the bills he got a new roommate. She is a woman friend who knows about me but she’s knows the rest of Jay’s little secrets too. Anytime I was over she went out, he told her he wanted to be alone with me. I think he was concerned about what she or I might say to one another. That I’m sure was stressful for him, keeping us apart. Another thing was that his best friend fell in love with a divorced woman with a kid and Jay was quite threatened by her. She wanted to get married and was going to break up the boys club, his life blood his touchstone. He started hanging out at a local bar and was drinking and smoking too much. In addition to that he had developed a nasty skin condition the doctor said was brought on by stress. Basically, he was having a bad summer.

The break up conversation went something like this... he said, crying the whole time, I’m so afraid you are going to hate me but I just want to have fun. You know? I love you but you need to be with someone you can build a life with, I’m no good for you, I’ll ruin your life. I can’t believe I’m doing this after all you have done for me. ( he sobs) I think I need therapy. I am still hung up on my ex. I’m just a drunk. You are the best person I know but we can’t be together, I just can’t do the kid thing. (Umm didn’t he know I had kids from he start?) I love you. I wish we met ten years ago, everything would be different. I love you. I feel like I broke up your marriage and I can‘t live with that. I didn’t plan this (yeah right) And, the thing that sticks in my brain like a dagger is “how could you ever let me treat you this way?” Oh gawd, I thought I was being kind to this tortured sole, now he just thinks I’m pathetic. yuk. I asked him no less than twelve times if he had met someone else. He said an emphatic no. I asked him if he had ever been with anyone else during our relationship. Again, an emphatic no. I was so tired of the game that I gave no fight left. I said calmly that I needed to see other people and find someone to love me the way I deserve to be loved. I said because we work together I wanted to try to be friends. I kept my head up and left. I was very sad, I new he loved me but he was someone that just needed to be free of a commitment right now.

Two weeks after we broke up he started dating a quiet, mousy little bartender at the local bar he’s been frequenting. I was heartbroken. This poor girl he’s dating probably thinks she hit the jackpot, she found a beautiful, vulnerable man that is obsessed with her, and she’s the only one that truly understands him. I think he is rebounding. I think it’s someone new he can tell all his sad stories to. I think she’s an easy target, a new victim. They have been seeing each other for months now and he still tells people oh her? She’s not my girlfriend, we’re just hanging out together. Does this poor girl know that? I wish I could warn her, but she’d never believe me. I also found out that he wasn’t true to me like he swore, he had been unfaithful on more than one occasion. No real surprise but hurtful just the same. So much for being an honest man.

Now when he calls his voice sounds shrill and nervous and he says silly things to make sure I know that he’s cool with his decision. After months of no contact I called to say hi. Several days later he called back saying, “I meant to return your call earlier but I forgot that you called.” (That one makes me laugh). We have to remain friendly because we work together from time to time. Thank goodness I haven't worked closely with him since the breakup. Funny he makes me feel like I’m the one who broke up with him, that he again is the heartbroken victim of a failed relationship. Brother.

This is by far the hardest breakup I have ever gone through. The crazy thing is that considering his instability I’m better off. I can’t expose my children to someone like that. But still I miss him. I look forward to the day that I am at peace with all of this.

From Commitment Phobe to "I Do"! A ten-step plan for winning your CP's heart and getting that long overdue & much deserved commitment. Get the Commitment Phobe to Make a Commitment! Join Our Awesome Community and talk with other CPs and CP Lovers!

Dream Chasers: The Commitment Phobe Addiction (Falling in Love and Dealing with a Commitmentphobic Person). You can be reading this insightful information, written especially for those who are in love with a commitment phobic person, in less than two minutes! (NOTE: This webBook is free when you join our community!)

Fellow CP's and CP lovers! Let's hear your stories!

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Breakup With a Narcissist: Living with, loving, and leaving a narcissist. How to survive it all!

OUR MEMBERS' BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS

Win Boyfriend Back
How to Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back - By using these basic, down-to-earth strategies, anyone can get an ex-boyfriend back and turn a broken relationship back into a loving, lasting one - or make their current relationships deeper and more fulfilling.

Relationship Links

Cunnilingus Academy
Curl her toes with these tips and techniques!

THE ZODIAC MAN!
Because not all men are alike, the way to win their heart, or the plan to win them back shouldn't be the same, either! 

why women cheat
perfect love letters

The Girls' Guide to Surviving a Break-Up
The essential female companion from the first moment he walks out of your life! The Girls' Guide to Surviving a Break-Up offers step-by-step advice for getting over him.

The Hell with Love: Poems to Mend a Broken Heart
Finally a book of poetry that describes every emotion you go through when you are in love and heart broken. This book is amazing and wonderful. I recommend it to who ever loves poetry and ever had a broken heart.

He's Just Not That Into You (The Newly Expanded Edition): The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys
It seems like everywhere you turn the phrase "He's just not that into you" is being thrown around. And for good reason! The ladies are finally done waiting by the phone - hey, why sit at home for the phone to ring when it's so obvious that he's just not that into you?

Women Men Love, Women Men Leave: What Makes Men Want to Commit?
In easy psychological terms, this book helps a woman understand why a man may react negatively to her even when she feels she's doing everything right for a relationship. With different female personalities portrayed, the reader will find themselves fitting one or more of the profiles.

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