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CP lover's Story (in love with a CP)
When I first met 'G', he told me he'd had some unsuccessful relationships due to his own immaturity. Gee, do you think THAT might have been a red light for me? Then he proceeded to tell me that he is at a point in his life where he wants to re-evaluate his lifestyle, become healthier, and have a long-term relationship finally. Now, before I sound like a complete idiot for staying with him this long, let me explain that he is an actor, was in a rock and roll band, and has many friends in the dancing, literary, acting, and musical worlds.
So partly, his lifestyle is affected by this somewhat unique genre of professionals. G also continues to demonstrate a real commitment to a healthy lifestyle, he drinks little alcohol, works out daily, attends university to obtain his Master's degree, eats incredibly healthy, and reads personal growth books and attends life skills workshops. These are things he does on his own, I have only encouraged him on the Master's idea. So in the year and a half that we've been together, I have seen him genuinely take responsibility for changing his life. In terms of our relationship, he, to this day, calls me practically daily, sometimes twice daily, just to check in, or see what we can do together.
He has bought me flowers about 5 times and lingerie twice. He has attended my sons' school and sport functions, family gatherings, and gone on summer holidays with us. He can communicate very well with me about feelings, childhood stuff, intimacy, etc. What then, is the problem? It seems I'm the one to plan ahead in this relationship.
I invited him to spend summer holidays with my sons and I. I am the one to point out that he often sleeps over and then leaves in the morning and that this hurts me. He requires a LOT of time to himself, he reads a lot, and I've often felt that I'm "nagging" for more of him in my life. I did a test at Christmas time. I didn't talk about plans together, or who was going to be at which family's place, and guess what? He didn't either. So I went ahead and visited my brother and his family for Christmas.
I broke up with G at this point, because I was deeply hurt that he didn't take responsibility for having the foresight and planning Christmas with me. He neither invited me and my sons to be with him, or suggested that he come with me. Sometimes I would catch him looking at women, usually the big-busted, tight-jeaned, fake blond types, you know, the sort of 'slutty' types, sorry, but that's the only ones he'd stare at.
ne time, in a theatre line-up, we were talking and he literally looked away from me and his head actually turned as he stared at one of these blondies. It was so obvious, I felt as small as a spec of dust, standing beside him. I have always brought up all of these things to G and he has responded by trying to change his behaviour. G always tries to please me, he does NOT criticize or find fault with me. His old life was promiscuous and without much responsibility. To top it off, he currently lives with his parents to help with the cost of university.
One week ago, I told him that unless he moved out of his parents place, put a ring on my finger, proposed marriage and set a date with me by a certain date, I would be walking from the relationship. We've talked marriage a number of times in the past. He phoned me after 4 days and said he thinks it is a good idea, that he doesn't think he can live without me and that he loves me. I told him he really can live without me and vice versa, but that we should marry out of want, not need.
He met me the next day and we talked for a few hours. He admitted his commitment phobia, his feeling of being trapped, losing self, difficulty with sacrifice, shallowness, and yearning for his old life occasionally. He said he talked to parents, family and friends and they all encouraged him to commit to me. He said it's not about whether I love YOU or not, it's about my problem of seeing my "life flash before my eyes" every time I think about marriage.
I asked him why he hadn't seen a counsellor about this problem already, since we'd talked about this before. He said he might do that now. I told him that we are in different places, that it would not be right for me to "wait" any longer, since he could have seen a counsellor about this problem long before it got to an ultimatum. I told him I was holding myself in high esteem from now on and that I deserve to have someone who is ready for commitment. I went out that night with one of my sons to a movie and when I got back, there were 12 long stemmed roses with a note that read "you mean more to me than anybody or anything. I want to be yours if you will still have me. Love you, G". You see, I know he tries.
Here's my question to you ... am I right in sticking to my date that I chose for a marriage proposal, ring on my finger and wedding date in place? I still feel I should stick to it and so does his sister-in-law who is a friend of mine. Talk is cheap, I want to see ACTION. And true to the onsite articles, he will talk a blue streak about his own issues, but I told him I want to see action.
Am I doing the right thing? I am prepared to walk away from this relationship. I am an attractive person with a good personality and many friends. I have a lot going for me. I know I can meet someone else. I want this man, I don't 'need' him, if you know what I mean. He has a great mind, is a creative genius, is kind, gentle, funny, and, on a more shallow level, has the body of a dancer.
the commitment thing and because he doesn't cut me down, it makes it all
the harder to see clearly. If someone is always cutting you down, it's easier
to see that he is not good for you. G also did not pour on the attention
in the beginning of the relationship, as
Thanks so much!
Fellow CP lover.
From Commitment Phobe to "I Do"! A ten-step plan for winning your CP's heart and getting that long overdue & much deserved commitment. Get the Commitment Phobe to Make a Commitment! Join Our Awesome Community and talk with other CPs and CP Lovers!
Dream Chasers: The Commitment Phobe Addiction (Falling in Love and Dealing with a Commitmentphobic Person). You can be reading this insightful information, written especially for those who are in love with a commitment phobic person, in less than two minutes! (NOTE: This webBook is free when you join our community!)
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