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| Getting
To Commitment
Mr. Steven Carter's great insights into
relationship dynamics are presented here in an easy-to-understand language,
and without overdoing the psychological perspectives. Many commitment questions
are answered here in this book. A must read for anyone afflicted with commitment
issues or involved with someone who is.
|
| He's
Scared, She's Scared
Available for the first time in paperback,
this follow-up to the phenomenally successful
Men Who Can't Love tackles
the issue of commitmentphobia, that persistent obstacle to truly satisfying
contemporary relationships. Authors Stephen Carter and Julia Sokol explore
why modern men and women are torn between the desire for intimacy and the
equally intense need for independence. Drawing on numerous interviews and
real-life scenarios, and written with humor, insight, and the kind of wisdom
gained by personal experience,
He's
Scared, She's Scared offes guidance for all of us who want genuine,
sustained intimacy with our romantic partners.
|
| Men
Who Can't Love
This book saved me from going crazy and
from wasting any more of my precious time with a man who is a consumate
commitmentphobic. I got this book after a therapist friend of mine said that
all my complaining and moaning about my commitmentphobic boyfriend sounded
just like the people in this book she'd read -
"Men
Who Can't Love". I got on line and nabbed a copy. What
a life saver! My jaw dropped as I read this book because it describes the
behaviors of commitmentphobics precisely as I have been experiencing my
boyfriend's behavior. It's so true that the more I pressed him for answers
while trying to understand his avoidant behaviors, the more he withdrew from
me. "I don't wanna talk about it" is his mantra. All his behaviors were laid
out like his biography in this book. It was shocking and revealing at the
same time.
|
| I
Hate You, Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality
This is a
great book for an inside look at Borderline Personality Disorder. If you
have a person with BPD in life this book is a must have. If you have BPD
it will help you understand that some of your behaviors that seem unusual
to other are understandable and can be explained and
treated. |
|
Lucy's
Story (in love with a CP)
I met my CP on
the internet. We had both been visiting the same computer game forum for
over a year, and had become friends during that time. I intalled MSN messenger
chat program on my computer a couple of months back, and we started chatting,
swapping computer game tips - and flirting - and we 'clicked' straight away.
I admit I did most of the chasing at the beginning because he is quite shy,
but it was very easy. Within 3 days of our first chat we swapped phone numbers
and were arranging to meet. From that point on, it was wonderful. I knew
it wasn't going to be easy - we lived on different continents.
It was, for that
brief period of time though, the most wonderful thing I have ever experienced.
Within a week he told me he had fallen in love with me. We were chatting
online for 6 or 7 hours every night, more at weekends, despite the time
difference, and phoning each other every couple of days. He completely swept
me off my feet - he would phone in the middle of the night (my time) to leave
messages on my answering machine telling me goodnight and that he loved me.
We were desparate to meet each other. He was gushing about me to his friends
and to our mutual online friends - showing them my photos and raving about
how gorgeous I was, and how in love we were. We discussed our planned meeting
over and over. He told me he never loved anyone the way he felt about me
- his heart belonged to me forever - he wanted to be with me always - we
talked about going on vacation together - everything he said about the future
was about us being together.
I
knew he had had a string of past girlfriends, all short relationships, and
that when he was young he had lived with a girl for a couple of years, until
he found out that she had cheated on him - not just once, but many times
with many different people. I knew he had been badly hurt, but just not how
much. He told me it didn't matter, he had now found me and I was his last
love. We even discussed the possibility of me emigrating to be with him (which
scared me rigid to be honest).
 |
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|
I got a flight at short notice to go meet him - and still it was perfect.
He seemed to be everything I hoped for, and more. He was obviously deeply
in love with me, holding my hand at every opportunity, stealing looks at
me when he thought I wasn't looking, and grinning from ear to ear the whole
time. This wasn't something he was faking, he was very much in love with
me. We spent a week together, and everything clicked perfectly. The mutual
online friends we also met up with (none of us had ever met before) said
we looked like the perfect couple. We had been 'together' a month at this
point.
Then I came home.
Things were fine at first, but I noticed after about a week that when we
chatted he often had to go do other things, and sometimes turned up late
or cut it short. He seemed reluctant to discuss future arrangements, and
the sweet things he used to say were getting less and less. I was being put
on a schedule.
Then 2 weeks later, 3 weeks after we met, he avoided me completely for 2
days. I e-mailed him to ask him what was wrong, and he e-mailed back telling
me he was so sorry - I was a wonderful person, but he couldn't handle
relationships - never had been able to. I deserved better than him, and it
wasn't me, it was him. I asked him to chat with me, and he did - He said
he was a jerk - that he still loved me as a friend, and that he didn't know
what had gone wrong - he was so so sorry, he never wanted to hurt me, and
he felt dreadful. I was devastated - but sympathetic. We had been friends
before we fell in love, and I felt awful - both for myself and him. I agreed
that I wanted us to be friends - I still want that.
A couple of days
later we chatted again - I asked him to explain why, since everything had
been wonderful. He said he couldn't really explain it, but that he felt a
great deal of tension about being in a relationship with me. Again, I was
sympathetic, I had no desire to cause him any tension. I told him so, that
I didn't want or need commitment from him (I don't, I had only a couple of
months before we started chatting broken up with the man I lived with for
11 years) but that I felt we were throwing away something that could be a
lot of fun. We agreed that we would keep it 'casual' which suited me fine,
and he seemed very happy with that. We chatted in a friendly manner for the
next couple of days - I was very careful not to say anything that might cause
him stress. Then nothing. We haven't spoken for a week now, at all. I e-mailed
him, asking him if he still wanted to be friends, but he hasn't replied,
and has been avoiding any sort of contact with me.
I am very upset
that it has turned out like this. He is a wonderful man, but for this one
huge problem. I miss him terribly, no-one has ever been able to make me laugh
the way he did. But I decided, after finding out about commitment phobia
(which I'd never heard of until yesterday) that I must move on, get on with
my life. This has been the best, and the worst, 2 months of my life. I am
hoping that he will get in contact soon - I miss him as a friend as much
as anything else.
Lucy
From
Commitment Phobe to "I Do"! A ten-step
plan for winning your CP's heart and getting that long overdue & much
deserved commitment. Get the Commitment Phobe to Make
a Commitment! Join Our Awesome Community and talk with other CPs and CP
Lovers!
Dream Chasers: The Commitment Phobe Addiction
(Falling in Love and Dealing with a Commitmentphobic
Person). You can be reading this insightful
information, written especially for those who are in love with a commitment
phobic person, in less than two minutes! (NOTE: This webBook is
free when you join
our community!)
Fellow CP's and CP lovers!
Let's hear your stories! |
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