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Getting To Commitment

Mr. Steven Carter's great insights into relationship dynamics are presented here in an easy-to-understand language, and without overdoing the psychological perspectives. Many commitment questions are answered here in this book. A must read for anyone afflicted with commitment issues or involved with someone who is.


He's Scared, She's Scared

Available for the first time in paperback, this follow-up to the phenomenally successful Men Who Can't Love tackles the issue of commitmentphobia, that persistent obstacle to truly satisfying contemporary relationships. Authors Stephen Carter and Julia Sokol explore why modern men and women are torn between the desire for intimacy and the equally intense need for independence. Drawing on numerous interviews and real-life scenarios, and written with humor, insight, and the kind of wisdom gained by personal experience, He's Scared, She's Scared offes guidance for all of us who want genuine, sustained intimacy with our romantic partners.


Men Who Can't Love

This book saved me from going crazy and from wasting any more of my precious time with a man who is a consumate commitmentphobic. I got this book after a therapist friend of mine said that all my complaining and moaning about my commitmentphobic boyfriend sounded just like the people in this book she'd read - "Men Who Can't Love". I got on line and nabbed a copy. What a life saver! My jaw dropped as I read this book because it describes the behaviors of commitmentphobics precisely as I have been experiencing my boyfriend's behavior. It's so true that the more I pressed him for answers while trying to understand his avoidant behaviors, the more he withdrew from me. "I don't wanna talk about it" is his mantra. All his behaviors were laid out like his biography in this book. It was shocking and revealing at the same time.


I Hate You, Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality

This is a great book for an inside look at Borderline Personality Disorder. If you have a person with BPD in life this book is a must have. If you have BPD it will help you understand that some of your behaviors that seem unusual to other are understandable and can be explained and treated.

Why Men Are Afraid To Commit
By Christine Akiteng

How many times have you heard a relative, friend or colleague say “Right now our relationship is great, we have a wonderful time and great sex, if we get married we’ll end up just like all the other married couples?"

Well, I have heard that hundreds of times. Joe, not his real name, is a really charming character, looks and personality. He and Terry had been dating for four years. He came to see me because they were growing apart and he wanted me to help him figure out if he should go ahead and get married even when his “intuition" was telling him it would be a big mistake.

Usually when I work with people struggling with commitment phobia, I tell them a little bit of doubt is normal when taking a major life transition like committing to another person. But for Joe it was more than a little doubt. And if I had not met and seen him and Terry together, I’d probably have thought, well, his hesitation is a warning that things will not work out. But even to a stranger, it was obvious that these two were made for each other. So what was the problem?

Joe’s problem was not that he did not want to get married. His problem was that that he was afraid that he and Terry would end up just like his parents. Joe like many of us had witnessed an unhealthy and unhappy relationship between his parents when growing up. It was not surprising that his childhood experiences (consciously or unconsciously) coloured the way he felt about commitment and marriage. He had as a child been a victim of his parent’s dysfunctional relationship and his subconscious was telling him that if it happened once before, it could happen again. May be even, guilt (mostly assumed by children in a dysfunctional union) played apart. And with one out every two marriages ending up in divorce, it was only natural that he felt fearful and uncertain about the future.

How to Win Back Their Attraction!
ATTRACTION IS EVERYTHING! Here's what to do when you think they are no longer attracted to you

36 FREE Breakup & Relationship eBooks
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Did She Dump You?
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Win Your Ex Back!
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Joe like many of us had allowed his parent’s definition of marriage to control his own life. Many people, especially men often associate “commitment" or marriage with loss of freedom, routine and limitation. The word “settling down" sounds like bringing down the relationship from where it is at emotionally and sexually. And for those who’ve been married and divorced, the fear of going through it all over again can be paralyzing.

What Joe needed to understand was that he had the choice to redefine his own meaning of marriage and commitment. Commitment is no guarantee that the other person will always love, respect and protect us and yet without the security a commitment sometimes provides most relationships become superficial and directionless. Many people emotionally and sexually involved over a prolonged period of time without some sort of commitment (even if it is a commitment not to get committed or a commitment to talk about it at a later date) suffer from a constant state of unconscious anxiety.

Through coaching Joe was able to feel confident enough to redefine what commitment meant to him, personally. Once he felt the power and freedom to create his own experiences and give his own meaning to commitment the relationship between him and Terry improved drastically. Within a year they were married.

Sometimes just discussing what two people want a commitment to mean and how they want their relationship to look like removes all the concerns about making a long-term commitment. What was fear becomes excitement that comes from co-creating experiences that are unique to two individuals. But quite often, it is hard for a couple to sit down and discuss commitment because one says one thing and the other hears something completely different. When I spoke to Terry months after their wedding she told me that when Joe said he was afraid they’d end up like his or her parents, what she heard was “all women want is commitment and a wedding". And sometimes she’d hear “you are just like my mother, desperate, dependant and defenseless’. The Terry, I know is nothing like desperate, dependant and defenseless. She didn’t even want to get married right away all she wanted was reassurance that the relationship had a future. In the end, Joe was the one who really wanted to commit and get married.

That said, given a choice most men do what they want and what they believe is in their best interest. If you have to coerce a man to commit to you, you are definitely with the wrong man. A man would not commit to a relationship unless he is convinced that he will get what he wants now, and with reasonable expectations will continue to do so in the future. Fortunately for women what men want includes a love interest, trust, emotional support and commitment, some of the same things women want but its the way he perceives you that gives him that little psychological push he may need to help him to make up his mind. Knowing what a man wants and being aware of his apprehensions about commitment is the first step toward understanding what it takes to give a man what he wants from a relationship with you.

Remember, a pre-mature commitment, one that takes place before you spend time deepening your knowledge of one another can be powerful enough to sabotage and otherwise well matched partnership.

About the Author: Combining modern and ancient wisdom, internationally renowned Sexual Confidence and Dating Coach, Christine Akiteng has helped hundreds rediscover their many untapped and unique deep-down NATURAL and PRIMAL characteristics that make them incredibly attractive, desired and valued by the opposite sex. Her sassy, spunky and unique advice on captivating the opposite sex and creating a fulfilling sexual life combines self-awareness, a dynamic, free and spontaneous expression of the authentic self, mystery, spirituality and pure raw sensuality.

Christine's website: http://www.torontosnumber1datedoctor.com

From Commitment Phobe to "I Do"! A ten-step plan for winning your CP's heart and getting that long overdue & much deserved commitment. Get the Commitment Phobe to Make a Commitment! Join Our Awesome Community and talk with other CPs and CP Lovers!

Dream Chasers: The Commitment Phobe Addiction (Falling in Love and Dealing with a Commitmentphobic Person). You can be reading this insightful information, written especially for those who are in love with a commitment phobic person, in less than two minutes! (NOTE: This webBook is free when you join our community!)

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OUR MEMBERS' BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS

Win Boyfriend Back
How to Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back - By using these basic, down-to-earth strategies, anyone can get an ex-boyfriend back and turn a broken relationship back into a loving, lasting one - or make their current relationships deeper and more fulfilling.

Relationship Links

Cunnilingus Academy
Curl her toes with these tips and techniques!

THE ZODIAC MAN!
Because not all men are alike, the way to win their heart, or the plan to win them back shouldn't be the same, either! 

why women cheat
perfect love letters

The Girls' Guide to Surviving a Break-Up
The essential female companion from the first moment he walks out of your life! The Girls' Guide to Surviving a Break-Up offers step-by-step advice for getting over him.

The Hell with Love: Poems to Mend a Broken Heart
Finally a book of poetry that describes every emotion you go through when you are in love and heart broken. This book is amazing and wonderful. I recommend it to who ever loves poetry and ever had a broken heart.

He's Just Not That Into You (The Newly Expanded Edition): The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys
It seems like everywhere you turn the phrase "He's just not that into you" is being thrown around. And for good reason! The ladies are finally done waiting by the phone - hey, why sit at home for the phone to ring when it's so obvious that he's just not that into you?

Women Men Love, Women Men Leave: What Makes Men Want to Commit?
In easy psychological terms, this book helps a woman understand why a man may react negatively to her even when she feels she's doing everything right for a relationship. With different female personalities portrayed, the reader will find themselves fitting one or more of the profiles.

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