My Breakup Blog
My Big Breakup
Get Your Boyfriend Back
Win Your Girl Back
Mr. Steven Carter's great insights into
relationship dynamics are presented here in an easy-to-understand language,
and without overdoing the psychological perspectives. Many commitment questions
are answered here in this book. A must read for anyone afflicted with commitment
issues or involved with someone who is.
Scared, She's Scared
Available for the first time in paperback,
this follow-up to the phenomenally successful
Men Who Can't Love tackles
the issue of commitmentphobia, that persistent obstacle to truly satisfying
contemporary relationships. Authors Stephen Carter and Julia Sokol explore
why modern men and women are torn between the desire for intimacy and the
equally intense need for independence. Drawing on numerous interviews and
real-life scenarios, and written with humor, insight, and the kind of wisdom
gained by personal experience,
Scared, She's Scared offes guidance for all of us who want genuine,
sustained intimacy with our romantic partners.
Who Can't Love
This book saved me from going crazy and
from wasting any more of my precious time with a man who is a consumate
commitmentphobic. I got this book after a therapist friend of mine said that
all my complaining and moaning about my commitmentphobic boyfriend sounded
just like the people in this book she'd read -
Who Can't Love". I got on line and nabbed a copy. What
a life saver! My jaw dropped as I read this book because it describes the
behaviors of commitmentphobics precisely as I have been experiencing my
boyfriend's behavior. It's so true that the more I pressed him for answers
while trying to understand his avoidant behaviors, the more he withdrew from
me. "I don't wanna talk about it" is his mantra. All his behaviors were laid
out like his biography in this book. It was shocking and revealing at the
Hate You, Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality
This is a
great book for an inside look at Borderline Personality Disorder. If you
have a person with BPD in life this book is a must have. If you have BPD
it will help you understand that some of your behaviors that seem unusual
to other are understandable and can be explained and
Personality Disorder Tips
FIVE DON'T DO'S
How to Avoid the Wrath of the Narcissist
Never disagree with the narcissist or contradict
Never offer him any intimacy
Look awed by whatever attribute matters to him
(for instance: by his professional achievements or by his good looks, or
by his success with women and so on)
Never remind him of life out there and if you
do, connect it somehow to his sense of grandiosity
Do not make any comment, which might directly
or indirectly impinge on his self-image, omnipotence, judgment, omniscience,
skills, capabilities, professional record, or even omnipresence. Bad sentences
start with: "I think you overlooked ... made a mistake here ... you don't
know ... do you know ... you were not here yesterday so ... you cannot ...
you should ... (perceived as rude imposition, narcissists react very badly
to restrictions placed on their freedom) ... I (never mention the fact that
you are a separate, independent entity, narcissists regard others as extensions
of their selves, their internalization processes were screwed up and they
did not differentiate properly) ..." You get the gist of it.
to Win Back Their
ATTRACTION IS EVERYTHING! Here's what to do when you think they are no longer
attracted to you
36 FREE Breakup &
Join our community and get
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Find out how to mend your brokenheart caused by a broken relationship. Advice
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She Dump You?
Are you a nice guy and still got dumped for a jerk? Learn how to be the bastard
women want, and never get dumped again!
Your Ex Back!
Find out how to win your ex back and keep them hopelessly attached to you
The TEN DO'S
How to Make your Narcissist Dependent on You
If you INSIST on Staying with Him
Listen attentively to everything the narcissist
says and agree with it all. Don't believe a word of it but let it slide as
if everything is just fine, business as usual.
Personally offer something absolutely unique
to the narcissist which they cannot obtain anywhere else. Also be prepared
to line up future sources of primary NS for your narcissist because you will
not be IT for very long, if at all. If you take over the procuring function
for the narcissist, they become that much more dependent on you which makes
it a bit tougher for them to pull their haughty stuff - an inevitability,
in any case.
Be endlessly patient and go way out of your
way to be accommodating, thus keeping the narcissistic supply flowing liberally,
and keeping the peace (relatively speaking).
Be endlessly giving. This one may not be attractive
to you, but it is a take it or leave it proposition.
Be absolutely emotionally and financially
independent of the narcissist. Take what you need: the excitement and engulfment
and refuse to get upset or hurt when the narcissist does or says something
dumb, rude, or insensitive. Yelling back works really well but should be
reserved for special occasions when you fear your narcissist may be on the
verge of leaving you; the silent treatment is better as an ordinary response,
but it must be carried out without any emotional content, more with the air
of boredom and "I'll talk to you later, when I am good and ready, and when
you are behaving in a more reasonable fashion".
If your narcissist is cerebral and NOT interested
in having much sex - then give yourself ample permission to have "hidden"
sex with other people. Your cerebral narcissist will not be indifferent to
infidelity so discretion and secrecy is of paramount importance.
If your narcissist is somatic and you don't
mind, join in on endlessly interesting group sex encounters but make sure
that you choose properly for your narcissist. They are heedless and very
undiscriminating in respect of sexual partners and that can get very problematic
(STDs and blackmail come to mind).
If you are a "fixer", then focus on fixing
situations, preferably before they become "situations". Don't for one moment
delude yourself that you can FIX the narcissist - it simply will not happen.
Not because they are being stubborn - they just simply can't be fixed.
If there is any fixing that can be done, it
is to help your narcissist become aware of their condition, and this is VERY
IMPORTANT, with no negative implications or accusations in the process at
all. It is like living with a physically handicapped person and being able
to discuss, calmly, unemotionally, what the limitations and benefits of the
handicap are and how the two of you can work with these factors, rather than
trying to change them.
FINALLY, and most important of all: KNOW
What are you getting from the relationship? Are
you actually a masochist? A codependent perhaps? Why is this relationship
attractive and interesting?
Define for yourself what good and beneficial
things you believe you are receiving in this relationship.
Define the things that you find harmful TO YOU.
Develop strategies to minimize the harm to yourself. Don't expect that you
will cognitively be able to reason with the narcissist to change who they
are. You may have some limited success in getting your narcissist to tone
down on the really harmful behaviours THAT AFFECT YOU which emanate from
the unchangeable WHAT the narcissist is. This can only be accomplished in
a very trusting, frank and open relationship.
(Co-authored with Alice Ratzlaff)
About The Author
Sam Vaknin is the author of "Malignant Self Love
- Narcissism Revisited" and the editor of mental health categories in The
Open Directory, Suite101, and searcheurope.com.
His web site:
Frequently asked questions regarding narcissism:
Narcissistic Personality Disorder on Suite101:
Commitment Phobe to "I Do"! A ten-step
plan for winning your CP's heart and getting that long overdue & much
deserved commitment. Get the Commitment Phobe to Make
a Commitment! Join Our Awesome Community and talk with other CPs and CP
Dream Chasers: The Commitment Phobe Addiction
(Falling in Love and Dealing with a Commitmentphobic
Person). You can be reading this insightful
information, written especially for those who are in love with a commitment
phobic person, in less than two minutes! (NOTE: This webBook is
free when you join
Fellow CP's and CP lovers!
Let's hear your stories!
Commitment Phobe Profiles
Our Commitment Phobia Support
a Narcissist: Living with, loving, and leaving a narcissist. How to survive it all!
MEMBERS' BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS
to Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back
- By using these basic, down-to-earth
strategies, anyone can get an ex-boyfriend back and turn a broken relationship
back into a loving, lasting one - or make their current relationships deeper
and more fulfilling.
Curl her toes with these tips and techniques!
THE ZODIAC MAN!
Because not all men are alike, the
way to win their heart, or the
plan to win them back shouldn't be
the same, either!